If men and women are to make relationships work, we must understand the importance of intimacy with our partners and develop coping mechanisms in the event of the absence of sεx. Otherwise, we’ll just continue to frustrate and confuse one another.
It’s daunting to think that there are people who are so turned off by their spouse that they’d prefer deαth over sex with them. This was the miserable reality for one woman who believes she married a sex addict. In a candid blog post about her short-lived happy marriage, she explains how she and her now-ex-husband enjoyed the excitement of sex in the initial stages of their relationship, but as their fast-paced relationship continued to develop — they dated and married in the same year — it became evident to her that the man she married was attempting to “own” her body.
“My ex-husband truly believed he owned my body and that I was in the wrong if I ever denied him access,” the unidentified writer wrote.” When I wouldn’t give in to his advances because I was friggin’ tired from taking care of little kids, or not feeling well, or just because I didn’t feel like it right then, he would coldly turn his back on me and heave deep sighs of put-upon-ness, and I would cry myself to sleep because I just wanted to feel loved without having to have sex.” She admits that there were warning signs in the beginning that she had failed to take seriously: “One of the red flags I had ignored early on in our relationship was his comment that there was no point in touching if it wasn’t going to lead to sex.”
She revealed that her then-husband would tell her he was being considerate of her lack of desire for intimacy by requesting sex once daily, as opposed to 2-3 times per day, which is truly the amount of intimacy he wanted. “I didn’t realize I’d married a sex addict until years after our wedding day. We only dated for a few months before we got married, so basically I was still in sex-addict mode myself when I promised to love him until I died,” she wrote, adding a startling revelation, “Eventually, I’d start wishing I were deαd.” The writer continues to share one example after the other about her ex-husband’s alleged addiction to sex that eventually led her to divorce him; but many of the things she stated about him were not indicative of a sex addict. What she described was an average man’s desire for sex. According to Florida State University social psychologist Roy Baumeister, ”Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it.”
If men and women are to make relationships work, we must understand the importance of intimacy with our partners and develop coping mechanisms in the event of the absence of sεx. Otherwise, we’ll just continue to frustrate and confuse one another.
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