By Tracy Mac
As a coach and mentor, even though I help people with their lives, I get help with mine too. I have had coaches, mentors and relationships that have been very helpful to me. After all, every coach should have at least one coach or mentor themselves. And through being coached, as well as within some of my most intimate relationships, I realize I have faults too. But I can overcome. I can change. I know this because I’ve done it before. It’s all about relationships. Guess what, it’s time for change, again.
Like you, the next phase of my life’s mission is requiring change. Besides “I love you”, three of the most powerful words you can say to yourself are, “I can change.” It’s time for change. A few of those closest to me have pointed out, that one of my faults is leaving people alone – too quickly. Ouch! Accountability doesn’t always feel good but it is for my good. It’s just that when people act like they don’t want to be bothered or my presence seems to negatively affect them, I’m out quick! Vrooooooom! It’s been my way of helping them out, immediately. I mean, who wants to be tolerated or anything less than desired? So I give them what they want and I am pretty good at it too! All someone has to do is just act like they don’t want me around and it’s “speed duces”. Peace. It’s been real. Next!
But it’s time for change. Because my dreams and my life’s mission are too big for me to handle alone, and I want to help others with theirs too! Though I have great support and help, I know I have to dig deeper into some of my existing relationships, leave others and build new ones. It’s time for change. Growth and change cause us to relate differently. I know I need other people. I have no shame about that whatsoever! They need someone to help them with their dreams and goals too.
Maybe you can handle your dreams and goals alone. If that be the case, they may not be big enough! Maybe you leave too quickly too or stay too long. I know God has divinely orchestrated our lives in a way that someone else who is living their dreams and will connect with yours and mine and that requires relationships. So walking away too quickly from someone who needs you and who you need can be dream sabotage. Yeah, we can have temporary exchanges with people to get a task done, but viable and strategic dream work is about relationships that may require more deliberate effort, time and patience.
But how do we know when it’s time to change? Who do we change with? The keys are: knowing your purpose, the purpose of the relationship and the desire for relationship is mutual and progressive. To avoid dysfunction, every relationship requires balance on every level. Some relationships, personal and professional, will require a press and have ups and downs as we decide and commit to grow together. Now I don’t mean for anyone to become a door mat, put up with constant drama or submit to any type of bullying or abuse. This change is for those relationships that are crucial for mutual achievement, fulfillment and overall betterment.
Build and press into relationships that are:
1. Good for your life and health – spirit, soul and body: Don’t build with someone you wouldn’t want to be!
2. Not structured and maintained using only social media: Get your face off of Facebook and into life. Make a call, take a day-trip or go out to lunch and turn your phones off when you are together.
3. Safe for you to make mistakes in and agree to disagree: Be yourself!! Have fun and remember to play and laugh. Serious relationships that can’t be fun fail.
4. Are clearly defined: Know your role, their role and the value of clear expectations. Know your team – who is with you and who you are with.
5. Able to mutually nurture personal betterment and professional success: Being equally yoked is not just for marriage, but no cloning.
6. Coachable and willing to learn: In order to move toward the next level of privilege and responsibility we must remain teachable.
We have to know who to connect with, when to dig in and stay, walk away or run like hell! Using those suggestions, God will help you, especially if you have sense enough to ask for it. I thank God that my “help” comes in the form of people who help coach my life and within my genuine relationships! Faults included, they love me anyway. It’s time to change and I’m moving forward, I will do better by not leaving too quickly, now and in the year to come. I can change. I will need help. How about you? Of course, you don’t have to tell me, as long as you are willing to be different and do something about it so you can say, “I can change” too!
