by LaKia Allen
Sometimes the ‘f” word really comes in handy. Though you may not want to use it all the time, it undoubtedly works in your favor. In certain situations, it may feel inappropriate, weird to say, and even awkward to use. However, in most cases it is effective and gets your point across. So go ahead. Say it. Say, “I forgive you”. But now that you’ve said it, What did it do for you? What does it mean to forgive?
Forgiveness used to be a bad word for me. To me, the whole idea of forgiveness just seemed silly and quite frankly, not very smart. Like why would I want to let someone off the hook for something they did to me. My thoughts were that forgiveness is reserved for the small mishaps that are likely to happen. You know, like when someone steps on your fresh kicks, or calls you something other than your name. Things along those lines. But not the big “life” stuff. Nope, not happening. That was until I realized the hold that holding grudges and “maintaining” had on me.
The problem is, the inability to forgive actually works against you. It’s an attitude or posture that you have to keep up with, and it almost becomes a job. This way of living had me crippled, dwelling in the past, unable to move forward for fear of the consequences of what had been. When we condemn, punish, or maintain a grudge we think we’re keeping ourselves safe and out of harm’s way, but we are really holding ourselves hostage. Big difference. Forgiveness isn’t always about giving people another chance. It’s about giving yourself a chance. A chance at what we all want. A chance at love. Forgiveness is the highest form of self-love.
Love relationships or relationships in general, cannot heal or continue to grow without forgiveness. They remain stagnant and stale; unable to fulfill their incredible potential. If you take responsibility for forgiving yourself you will learn what it is to live without the burden of guilt, blame, fear and shame. When you have mastered the loving act of forgiving yourself, your heart will then be open to forgiving others. You say you want love, well give love. By forgiving yourself you are allowing yourself to radiate love and in turn, love is what you will receive.
So free yourself and let go. Free yourself from the part of you that wants to stay trapped in a place of blame, shame, guilt, and fear. It is your ego that doesn’t want you to be free because it doesn’t want to surrender its control. Your ego is just an image, your false self. Using the acronym Edging God Out for ego helped me to realize that holding grudges was essentially killing my spirit.
So who haven’t you forgiven? Before you do a sanity check, a good place to start is with you. This Valentine’s Day give yourself the ultimate gift, the gift of forgiveness.
(Via Black Life Coaches)
