Have you ever wondered if you’re the dreaded crazy ex?
Usually, it takes a quiet word from a trusted friend, a team of scientists working around the clock or a court order to figure out if you’ve truly lost your marbles.
But, we know that you don’t have time to bother with “friends,” “doctors” or “rules of law.” So, if you’ve ever had any doubt as to whether or not you belong in a padded cell as a result of your post-breakup behavior, we’ve created this handy guide to help you determine if you are, indeed, batsh*t crazy.
They’re in picture form too, because research has proven that crazy people prefer pictures. (If you don’t believe us, just take a look at your Instagram feed).
1. You get complimented for the legibility of your scratchings on his car.
2. You continue to clean up after him — even if that means breaking into his house.
3. There is a hurricane named after you.
4. Your to-do list is comprised of all of his friends.
5. In your mind, he’s “double tapping” everyone on Instagram.
6. Your couple song becomes “Janie’s Got a Gun.” Your name is Janie.
7. He’s relieved when he answers the phone and it’s an Indian call center.
8. He keeps bugging you for the password to his Facebook profile.
9. You object at his wedding ceremony. Again.
10. You camp out on his doorstep. Literally.
11. The more he avoids you, the smaller his penis becomes.
12. Miley Cyrus tells you to “pull it together.”
13. The billboard you commissioned that calls him an “assh*le” is merely a public service announcement.
14. He complains about the scented candles in his dungeon.
15. You slip into a Tourette syndrome-esque response every time someone mentions his name.
16. You get fired. Out of a cannon. At his window.
17. You’re Taylor Swift.
18. Your cats all agree that you should confront him about the “sluts” with whom he has been sleeping.
19. You wonder whether Times New Roman or Arial would look better on his tombstone.
20. James Blunt’s songs finally start to make sense to you.
21. You accidentally run into your ex. With his car.
22. Adele won’t hang out with you anymore because she thinks you’re too depressing.
23. Even Charlie Sheen won’t take your calls.
24. You rationalize that it’s only a “fake” pregnancy if you don’t get back together.
25. The UN imposes sanctions against your “peaceful” nuclear program.
(via Elite Daily)
