by Suleen Lee
1. Call her.
In this day and age of texting overload, you will absolutely distinguish yourself as a suitor if you make the effort to dial her digits to show you’re serious. Real connections happen through real-time conversation, and even by leaving a voicemail checking in to say hi, she’ll likely start to dig you more if she was into you in the first place. You should still text her from time to time to show her she’s on your mind, but texting should not be your primary form of communication.
2. Grab the cheque.
Even with the female gender making advancements in the workplace, it is a nice chivalrous gesture for the first four or five dates to grab at the cheque to show you are making an investment getting to know her. Be warned that even if she says “I can split,” she secretly wants you to pay. Just like men test women (and want to see the obligatory wallet reach), women test men to see if they accept their offer. To play it safe (just in case she is more traditional and decisive on these matters), I would insist on paying up until a point of exclusivity. It’s fine if you don’t take her to lavish, expensive meals each time — but paying each time signals your interest and will prevent her from potentially writing you off immediately.
3. Make the first date in her neighborhood. (Then ask if you can walk her home.)
4. Buy her a small token gift that shows you’re paying attention.
Did she mention she’s a huge fan of a particular band in passing? Get concert tickets for the next date. Is she always carrying a specific type of beverage, whether that is a brand of coffee or tea? Bring her a cup of it next time you see her. Has she expressed that she’s in search of a new iPhone case? Buy one for her in her favorite color, out of the blue with no particular occasion. If she already likes you, this will make her heart melt a little more and not come off creepy.
5. Make concrete follow-up plans.
Coming from someone who is more afraid of being hurt than being alone, I think it should be incumbent upon the guy to set the first few dates and make specific follow-up plans until you’re only seeing each other. While there may be slightly more proactive girls out there who are fine with taking the lead, it can often set up a pattern of complacency. I think most women appreciate when guys lead to remove the uncertainty of wanting to see each other again. If you think it comes off too eager to make follow-up plans while you’re on the date (guys — in line with other articles that have been written, let’s immediately get off this dating trend of seeing who can act more aloof), atleast send a text the next day indicating you’d like to set another date and will be in touch. If you will be out of town or have another reason you can’t meet for a week, make sure she knows you still want to see her and propose an actual specific day to get together after you get back. (We all know the all-too-common fade-away begins with vague, non-specific “I’ll call you when I get back into town.”)
6. Linguistically match her.
This is a subtle form of mirroring, but studies have shown that people who speak and write similarly are likely to be happier together than those who don’t. Makes sense, considering you often want to be on the same “level” as the person you are dating, and same level can often mean sophistication of prose. By matching her in the way she communicates, you are showing that you literally are speaking her “language” and on the same page. This helps show that you “get her” and will only increase her affection for you.
7. Cook her dinner.
One that involves more effort than heating up some Chef Boyardee’s. First, it will signal that you are good with reversing gender norms and stepping up in the kitchen, and two, show that you can provide her actual sustenance. I know I speak on behalf of many women out there who say (similar to men) that our stomachs are the way to our hearts. Plus, there is nothing sexier than seeing a guy show his chops in the kitchen. (Bonus points if you use actual adult place settings and silverware instead of disposable plates.)
Suleen Lee is the General Counsel of Barre Bee Fit, a fast-growing fitness franchise specializing in group fitness. This article is culled from Thought Catalog
