I’m lying down on the floor, trying to make my hooha “dance”. I’m not sure if she’s really dancing but she is grinding to Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer”. No, I am not in some new age dance class. I’m in search of a better orgasm.
While I can come without fail, thanks to the help of my favorite hot Pink Rabbit vibrator, sex-induced orgasms are a little trickier to achieve. Maybe it’s because I’ve had a lifetime of Jacuzzi and vibrator-induced orgasms. Maybe it’s because with my vibrator I can choose to use it when I’m in the mood. With my boyfriend, it’s a little different. I do it when I’m tired, annoyed at him, or not feeling it. But no matter how a session in the sack starts, I always want to come. Which presents me with a serious predicament: blue vagina.
So I was intrigued when I heard about Orgasmic Bliss. It’s a six-week online course that teaches women how to excel at the art of climaxing. Tantra practitioner and orgasm whisperer Layla Martin hopes to strip away the layers of repression keeping us from experiencing our full orgasmic pleasure. In the course women learn how to use their body chemistry, pelvic floor and breathing to enhance their orgasms. The end result? Sexual goddess. The only catch? It’s a whopping $180. Is it worth dropping the dough for a lifetime of orgasmic bliss? Only one way to find out.
Somewhat skeptical, but intrigued, I signed myself up. I’ve always been pretty in touch with my body. Besides my early forays into masturbation, I was a dancer in high school and I’ve practiced yoga for years. Even on my most bloated, fat-feeling days, I’ve never been self-conscious when it comes to having sex. Not even periods have stopped me. Like the mailman, nothing stops me, not rain, snow, or rivers of blood. My need to get off has always taken priority over everything else short of nuclear war. So I wasn’t quite sure if Orgasmic Bliss could really take me to the next level, but in the name of more orgasms I was willing to try it out.
First stop: The Honey Pot. In doing the exercise, I was instructed to visualize what I wanted what I wanted to bring to my sexual center; love, health, or confidence for example. The only thing I’ve ever thought of bringing to my sexual center was a vibrator. Or a penis. Realizing perhaps I’ve been too literal in my approach, I welcomed a new way of looking at nether regions. I decided I wanted to bring vulnerability and sensuality. A strange choice, you might say but I figured if I was ever going to come on the reg without the intense vibes of a Rabbit I needed to open myself to a softer approach. I wanted to be less Sasha Fierce and more Beyonce with no makeup. After a few minutes, I was done thinking about my vagina and on to emptying the dishwasher. I didn’t feel any different yet, but I also didn’t have sex yet. I couldn’t wait to explore all my new found experiences with my boyfriend.
In the coming lessons, I would explore “Pussy Breathing” (“breathing” from my vagina), the “Sexy Squeeze” (Kegels), “Inner Smiling” (smiling to myself), and “Emotional Theater” (releasing negative emotions) among many others. My favorites were the more physical activities like breast massage, mostly because it felt pretty good, which left me thinking I should do it more often.
On the other hand, “Pelvic Streaming” left me bored and asleep. I lay there waiting for my pelvis to feel something; fireworks, tingles, anything. But unfortunately my pelvis was dead silent. She wasn’t even whispering. Before I knew it I was asleep on my yoga mat with drool dripping out the right side of my mouth.
During “Alchemical Love” I couldn’t help but think, what the hell am I doing? I was trying to envision my goddess energy pulsating through my veins while simultaneously trying not to feel like a whacked out hippie searching for make believe mysticism. Next thing you know I’d be using crystals to clear my chakras and sage to get rid of the negative energy. But in spite of my reservations, I was curious to see how all this would pan out with my boyfriend. He had been out of town when I started my orgasmic adventure, which allowed me enough time to fully absorb all of my lessons. So now that he was back would I be able to come more easily?
Eager to participate, M threw me on my back, pulled my legs above his shoulders, and went it for it. I was shocked and surprised to realize how intense it felt. Normally it’s a position I can get into right away (unlike the sideways straddle, now that is intense) but this time it felt like going from 0 to 60. Like when I accidentally turn up my vibrator to high instead of starting slow. I made him stop and switch to missionary so I could ease into it. Even oral sex felt intensified. I felt myself getting aroused in half the time; a plus for me since I’m used to the almighty Rabbit.
Could it be that the course had worked? I realized that for years I had been zoning out during sex. I don’t find myself worrying about waking up early or meeting that deadline when I’m doing it. I’m fully in the moment, but that doesn’t mean I’m focused. I had been kind of lazy when it came to the big O. Stick a vibrator in and let it work its magic. Or just push a guy south and see what happens. If I could get off great, if not then I assumed it was them not me. I had put little effort into doing my daily Kegels or fantasizing on how much I was enjoying the sensations. This time as M went downtown I actually focused on each flick of the tongue relishing in how good it felt. Let’s just say my clitoris was happier than she had been in a long time.
Maybe Orgasmic Bliss did improve my orgasmic potential by bringing a new level of awareness to my body. Or maybe it was those daily Kegels. One thing is for sure: Next time I need a little orgasmic pick-me-up I won’t be fantasizing about my inner goddess. I’ll be squeezing those muscles instead.
