It may seem obvious—have sex, and then feel great, right? But that’s not always the case. “Not that this is a big revelation or anything but, unlike guys, we need to be in the mood to have sex!” says Dr. Alyssa Dweck, co-author of V is for Vagina. “If we’re stressed, pissed off, feeling unattractive, thinking about the laundry, the kids, work, money woes, or anything else life brings our way, chances are, no matter how hard our partner tries, we’re going to be as likely to have an orgasm as Lady Gaga joining a nunnery.”
With so many obstacles in our way, can we ever achieve that all-encompassing ‘screaming O’ we see in the movies? Experts say it is possible. There are different kinds of orgasms (some go deeper than others) and even if you’re regularly having an orgasm during sex, you could be having a better one.
Here’s how:
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that foreplay equals orgasms. But just extending and intensifying that foreplay can make those orgasms that much more intense. “Wait to climax until the last possible moment when you just can’t hold off,” Dr. Dweck advises.
Building anticipation is also key. “When your mind is aroused, it’s often easier for your body to follow suit,” says Patty Brisben, founder of erotic products company Pure Romance. She suggests trying a remote controlled ‘bullet’. “Stick the bullet in your underwear and give your partner the remote; dinner has never been so much fun!”
Besides ‘toys’ that’ll intensify pleasure, tools like lubrication can help too. “For some reason, women tend to be scared of using lube,” says board-certified sexologist Shanna Katz. “Natural lubrication is not an indicator of how aroused you are, and lots of things can lower lubrication, like hormonal birth control, antihistamines, and stress.”
Rather than just grin and bear it, grab a bottle of glycerin-free, water-based lube or super-slick silicone lube and let things get wet and wild! “There tends to be a misconception among people in in their 20’s and 30’s that lubricant is only necessary when there’s a problem that needs fixing, such as vaginal dryness that often comes with aging,” Brisben says. “However that’s just not true—lubricant is for everyone, at any age! In fact, 65 percent of women indicated that using lubricants took sex from just good to mind blowing.”
(via Shape)
