How will bosses respect you if you don’t take your own nail polish seriously? According to a survey of 2000 executives by a British fashion retailer, your resume ain’t worth a dime if you don’t know the art of blending in your foundation. In fact, if these top-shot bosses are to be believed, your makeup is your entire personality. What’s disturbing isn’t that employers expect you to be well-groomed, but that they might just go all Freudian on you based on the glossiness of your lip gloss. In fact, based on the survey’s findings, watch us unveil your entire persona…
1. Split ends: LazySplit ends tell an employer the would-be recruit is lazy.
As in, how could someone who can’t make an effort to run to the salon as soon as this minor, barely-noticeable problem surfaces, be a part of our prestigious company? How can someone who can barely take the right decisions when it comes to shampoos, amount to anything in her professional life? Won’t someone who insists on jeopardizing the growth of her own hair also jeopardize the growth of our company? – is what we believe employers think when they see split ends, because we happened to have drawn a blank when it comes to the link between split ends and laziness.
2. Deep tan: Beach junkie
A deep tan leads bosses to the conclusion that a candidate would gladly abandon their duties for the pleasures of a beach break. Think you look sexy with a tan? Well, you definitely don’t look professional. Of course, we in India wouldn’t make the mistake of getting tanned because we know the degree of our tan is directly linked to the chances of shaadi. Besides we learnt all our lessons in professionalism from the fairness cream ads. Just apply the cream and chaar hafton mein you will become a successful news anchor. As for our British counterparts, we could always ship our besan and multani mitti over to them.
3. Smudged mascara: Party animal
One in six said smudged mascara made them fear hiring a ‘party animal’ who would be quick to escape the office for the bar
We understand the revolting-ness of smudged mascara but to link it to partying? Do you know how hard it is to find a brand of non-smudgy mascara? Even the ones that say they won’t smudge on the cover, it’s all a lie. It’s all a ploy, a capitalist trap, consumerist infamy. What do you even know about being a woman? Where’s the vodka? Can I please get some vodka? And put on a Britney track. *Gets up and starts dancing.*
4. Too much makeup: Overconfident and cocky
A slick of bright red lipstick, heavily pencilled brows and overpowering perfume revealed an overconfident personality. An immaculately made-up face makes some recruiters fear this candidate means business and will be snapping at their heels for the next promotion.
Oh yes, what must you be shielding underneath all that lipstick, and fragrance: Your overconfident personality. Not your daddy issues or some sort of body dysmorphic mental disease you got from staring at glossy pictures of models all your life, and so now you cannot go out in the sunlight without makeup because the world will see your blemishes. Instead, the interviewers should attack the ones without any makeup – Why are you so confident about your eyebrows that you don’t feel the need to pencil them?
5. Too less makeup: Emotional wreck
Even going for a natural look isn’t without risks, as certain bosses believe an absence of mascara indicates an emotional wreck who worries that it would all be cried off within hours.
Of all the random analysis and psychological jiu-jitsu that this survey performs, this has got to be the weirdest. Does that mean women who put makeup are the happiest?
6. Smudged lipstick, foundation: Careless
The common scenario of lipstick smudged on to teeth apparently suggests carelessness and foundation that hasn’t been blended properly is seen to highlight a lack of attention to detail.
At this point of time in the survey, we really begin to regret that lipstick was ever really invented because it’s powers are too great and beyond us. We feel that most executives could easily pursue an alternate career in lipstick reading, like those people who tell the future from reading tea leaves. Foundation-tellers can be another branch of this mystical profession.
7. Chipped nail polish: Nervous, unprepared
Untidy chipped nail polish is a complete no-no, with interviewers rating it their worst beauty blunder.
Chipped nail polish could only mean two things: either you are nervous or you are unprepared. Either way it means you are un-hireable. Elementary, my dear Watson! Employers will tend to discount the idea that you didn’t redo your nail polish considering the job you are applying for is probably one in a lousy firm rather than a runway. Next time, manicure your unemployment problems!
