We can’t erase cellulite or get your partner to tell you just how amazing they think you are in bed. But we can help you boost your in-bed confidence—which is basically just as good. Just try these tips from Patti Britton, Ph.D., M.P.H., cofounder of SexCoachU.com, on learning how to own it in the bedroom.
Or read an article about sex, or watch some porn. Why this works: The more sex—reading about it, thinking about it, doing it—becomes a normal part of your life, the more you’ll start to become comfortable with and feel empowered by your sexual side.
Bedroom confidence isn’t just about feeling like a rockstar in the sack—it’s also about being secure enough to ask for what you want sexually. And the first half of that equation isknowing what you want in bed. Enter masturbation, which is one of the best ways to get there.
Before you strip down, get dolled up by putting on a silk robe or lacy panties—whatever makes you feel sexiest. Because even if your partner doesn’t notice the difference between your everyday bras and your special occasion ones, that little ego boost you get when you know you’re wearing something smoking hot will get you that much psyched for sex.
If you tend to get inside your head during the action (“Ugh, my jiggly thighs are completely on display right now”), try giving yourself a little pep talk before sex: Sneak off to the bathroom, and remind yourself how damn sexy you are. “When you do this, you can actually pave new pathways in the brain and train yourself to shift away from negative thinking,” says Britton.
The next time you find yourself in the middle of a mid-sex confidence crisis, take a few deep breaths and really focus in on your breathing. This will help you pay better attention to your body so you can start thinking about where your partner is touching you and how great it feels…and stop freaking out about whether or not they like what you’re doing to them.
This is something you can do outside of the bedroom to help you fake it ’til you make it: Think of a character in a movie who exudes seduction, and take a few minutes to pretend you’re her (you can do this any time—by adding a Scarlett Johansson-like swagger to your walk while you’re shopping for groceries or even just laying on the bed in a tantalizing position when you wake up in the morning). The more you do this, the more you’ll start to feel like a sex symbol yourself, says Britton.
