by Dayna Evans
Every year, the Costume Institute at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York city hosts a fundraiser where nimble dolls dress up in ornate dresses and stand perfectly still next to less attractive dolls. The yearly ritual, while exhaustively documented, is not open to dirt people and regulars. What happens on the inside of the Met Gala? Here’s what we know.
Cockfights
When the beautiful ornate dolls enter the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the first sight they are treated to is a floor covered in dirt and two roosters battling to the death. On opposite sides of the ring are brown boxes labeled BIRD ONE and BIRD TWO. Guests are encouraged to stuff the boxes with wads of cash, depending on which bird they believe will stay alive. At the end of the fight, Anthony Bourdain roasts both roosters on a spit hooked up to the flatbed of a truck parked on 81st Street. He pockets all the cash.
The Electric Slide
In lieu of eating a meal, the guests of the Met Gala are asked to perform the Electric Slide between the hours of 7pm and 9pm, when other people elsewhere would traditionally be eating dinner. When the master of ceremonies, Anna Wintour, rings a bell three times, it is only then that guests may sit down at their assigned dinner tables and take part in the customary “chatter” portion of the evening. Servers arrive at each table to funnel champagne into the doll’s mouths through bottles rudimentarily rigged with spigots. Tom Hanks wins this game every time. He is commonly referred to by the other dolls as The Beast of the Bubbles.
I Am The Most Beautiful Man
Bradley Cooper rushes the stage every year to loudly proclaim, “I am the most beautiful man! I am the most beautiful man!” It is never known when this is about to occur, which is Cooper’s decision, as he is often heard saying that the “element of surprise” is chief among his personal interests. The only person who enjoys this charade is Jennifer Lawrence, who claps giddily and yells along with him.
Potato Sack Race
Celebrities with high net worths are paired with celebrities who are basically broke for a potato sack race down the main staircase of the Met. Last year, Victoria Beckham refused to participate due to the event’s highly dangerous nature, citing deaths from prior years. This insubordination caused Beckham to be demoted from “Top Dog” to “Friend of My Least-Liked Cousin” on Anna Wintour’s list of Esteemed People, which Wintour keeps tucked under her left shoe at the gala. It has only been stolen once.
Bucket
Marillon Cotillard breaks out the traditional Met Gala bucket. In it, she places three shells, covering the shells with sand. The celebrities act solemn until the bucket has been filled.
Garment Time
At the end of the evening, dolls and celebrities alike are antsy to hear the winner of the Best Garment Award. The gala, after all, is designed around the idea of celebrating ornate and beautiful outfits tailored for dolls. In an announcement made on stage as the hour nears midnight, famous fashion person Gigi Hadid, Suki Waterhouse, Cara Delevingne, or someone with a name like that who happens to be seated close enough, says “It is garment time.” The crowd of eager well-dressed people screams with delight. The famous fashion person reads a name from a bowler hat. This person is the winner of the Best Garment Award and must now wear the designated bowler hat for 365 days—rain or shine, night and day—until the Met Gala arrives the following year. This is a profound and highly competitive achievement, desired by all who qualify.
(via Dayna)
