In (uncomfortably relatable) sex news, researchers identified a whopping six different reasons that women fake orgasms, according to a pair of surveys of over 350 women, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. Even weirder (slash, more interesting): their reasons differ based on whether they’re faking it during oral sex or penetration. Oh!
During penetrative intercourse, women tend to fake it for four main reasons: to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings; because they feel insecure about having an orgasm; to speed things up and end the sex ASAP; and as an attempt to increase their own arousal (sort of a fake-it-’til-you-make-it approach—hey, whatever works!).
But their reasons for faking it during oral sex were surprisingly different. They still reported faking it to boost their own arousal and to protect their partner’s ego, but they also gave these two interesting reasons: to avoid anxiety associated with oral sex (specifically the up-close-and-personalness of the position); and to seem “normal” in terms of sexual function, rather than betray the fact that they take a while to climax, or maybe aren’t even able to. (Which, for the record: Is completely normal.)
First of all, let’s throw out the idea that you ever need to feel insecure about your orgasm—no matter how long it takes, or whether it even happens at all. And second, please let this story serve as a reminder: There’s no such thing as a “normal” vagina, and insecurity about what a “normal” vagina should look, feel, or taste like is an unnecessary damper on a potentially great time. So why are we still faking it? These findings demonstrate that sometimes women think it’s reasonable—or even valuable—to fake an orgasm, says coauthor Allan Fenigstein, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Kenyon College. Based on the non-insecurity related reasons listed above, it seems like playing up the theatrics may seem like the path of least resistance/least awkwardness, compared to just saying, “Hey babe, you know what? That feels awesome, but it’s just not going to happen. You go ahead and finish.”
Bottom line: whether you’re faking it to make your partner feel better or to overcome your own neuroses about face-to-vulva-proximity, it’s time to put an end to the charade. Instead, brush up on our tips for scoring the big O, because you deserve the real deal every time.
