It’s a few years ago. I’m in an ‘energy sex’ workshop that’s being co-taught my life and business partner Sheri Winston and the charming and talented Reid Mihalko. Sheri’s sitting in a chair. Reid puts his index fingers in her ears, “tunes into her frequency” (his words) and starts sending energy through his fingers into her ears.
Moments later, her body starts shaking and quaking. She’s having full-on energy orgasms.
Welcome to Sex World.
It’s a universe I’ve been inhabiting since Sheri and I got together a few years ago. And what a fascinating world it is! So much so, actually, that a few years ago I had a bright idea—interview the world’s best sex teachers and turn it into a book. I reached out to the best of the best, got a great response—and as of about a week ago, I birthed a book: Secrets of the Sex Masters.
I’d expected mostly technical guidance, but that isn’t what I got. My sixteen ‘sexperts’ also turned out to be wisdom experts. They’re great at having amazing sex, they’re great at teaching other people how to have amazing sex—and they’re also great at helping people lead amazing lives.
Here are the five most important things I learned from co-authoring Secrets of the Sex Masters:
It’s About Anatomy. Most people believe they know everything they need to know about the male and female body in order to have wonderful sex. Not so. Hard though it is to believe, our cultural maps of genital anatomy are incomplete and often inaccurate. There’s specialized knowledge here—in fact, Sheri won a national prize for her book Women’s Anatomy of Arousalbecause it broke new ground about female anatomy.
You’ll be much better at pleasing yourself—and others—if you’re fully informed about the equipment and how to operate it.
It’s About Connection. To have great sex, you need to be fully present. That’s not always easy. We have blocks, issues, shame. To be a sex master, you need to be willing to get totally naked. Taking your clothes off is the easy part.
But being a sex master isn’t only about connecting with others. It’s also about connecting to yourself in all your key quadrants—mind, body, heart and spirit.
Your erotic upside increases in direct proportion to how much of you shows up—in direct proportion to how much you’re ready, willing and able to connect.
It’s About Communication. Oh man, is it ever! Communication before, communication during, communication after. What are your safer sex requirements? What are your limits? What are your turn-ons and turn-offs? How do you tell your partner when something is or isn’t working? How do you manage aftercare once the physical sex is over? To be a sex master, you have to be a willing and skilled communicator.
Carl Frankel is a writer specializing in sex and relationships. He is also a relationship coach and the managing director of Sheri Winston’s Center for the Intimate Arts. He is the author of Love and the More Perfect Union: Six Keys to Relationship Bliss. He is also a listed author of Succulent Sexcraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice, by Sheri Winston with Carl Frankel. This is the highly-awaited sequel to Sheri’s Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secrets Maps to Buried Pleasure, which won the 2010 AASECT Book of the Year Award (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Visit Frankel’s website HERE.
