Marriage has been one of the greatest teachers in my life. After years of learning, growing, failing, and rebuilding, I’ve realised that the foundation of a strong marriage doesn’t rest on one grand principle but on many small yet powerful lessons. Here are 30 things I’ve learned about building a strong marriage:
1. Love is a Verb, Not Just a Feeling
Early in our marriage, I used to think love was an emotion that would naturally sustain us. I quickly learned that love must be actively demonstrated through small, consistent actions. Whether it’s making time for each other, helping with chores, or offering a listening ear, love is something we do, not just something we feel.
2. Communication is the Lifeblood
Clear, open communication saved us from countless misunderstandings. I learned the hard way that assuming my spouse could read my mind was setting us up for failure. Now, we talk about everything—no matter how uncomfortable the topic may be.
3. Conflict is Inevitable—And Healthy
For years, I avoided conflict, thinking it was a sign of weakness or failure. But conflict, when approached with respect, can deepen understanding. We’ve learned to view disagreements not as battles to be won but as opportunities to grow closer.
4. It’s Not About Being Right, It’s About Being Kind
I used to think I had to win every argument to maintain my stance, but I learned that being right at the expense of kindness only drove us apart. Being gentle and considerate, even in moments of frustration, creates an atmosphere of safety and trust.
5. Laughter Is Medicine for the Soul
There were times when things got so serious that we forgot to laugh. But humor, even in the middle of challenging times, can be a healing force. Shared laughter creates a bond that reminds us not to take everything too seriously.
6. Give Each Other Space to Grow
I’ve learned that a strong marriage isn’t about being together 24/7. We both need room to grow as individuals. Whether it’s pursuing personal hobbies or spending time with friends, the space we give each other fosters independence and mutual respect.
7. Your Spouse is Not Your Therapist
While we rely on each other for emotional support, I realized I couldn’t expect my spouse to fix all my problems or heal my wounds. Professional counselling has been a valuable tool when we need help navigating rough waters.
8. Shared Goals Create Unity
One of the most transformative lessons was realizing how important it is to have shared goals. Whether financial, familial, or personal, working toward a common vision gave our marriage a sense of purpose and direction.
9. Financial Transparency is Non-Negotiable
Money fights are real, and they nearly wrecked us a few times. We learned that transparency and teamwork in financial matters help avoid resentment. We plan and budget together, ensuring we’re on the same page.
10. Never Stop Dating
Complacency can be the silent killer of marriage. We make it a priority to continue dating, even after years together. It keeps the spark alive and reminds us why we fell in love in the first place.
11. Learn Each Other’s Love Language
Understanding how my spouse gives and receives love has been a game-changer. We took the time to discover our love languages, and it made all the difference in how we express care and appreciation.
12. Apologies Matter
In the heat of the moment, I used to stubbornly hold back apologies, thinking they made me weak. I was wrong. Apologizing, even when it’s difficult, can be one of the most healing gestures in marriage.
13. Consistency is More Important Than Grand Gestures
Grand gestures are nice, but I’ve learned that what really builds a strong marriage is consistency. The everyday kindnesses and small acts of love sustain a marriage more than the occasional showy acts.
14. Patience is a Superpower
I’m not naturally patient, but marriage has taught me that impatience breeds frustration. Learning to slow down, breathe, and give each other time and grace has made our home a much more peaceful place.
15. Support Each Other’s Dreams
There was a time when we didn’t fully understand or support each other’s ambitions. We’ve since realized that encouraging one another’s dreams not only brings personal fulfillment but also strengthens our relationship.
16. Intimacy is More Than Physical
While physical intimacy is important, emotional and intellectual intimacy are just as vital. I’ve learned to engage in deep conversations, share fears, and be vulnerable in ways that go beyond physical connection.
17. Gratitude Changes Everything
It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong or what’s missing, but practicing gratitude for the little things has reshaped our marriage. Expressing appreciation, even for the smallest actions, creates a positive and affirming environment.
18. Forgiveness is a Gift to Yourself
Holding onto grudges only poisons the relationship. I’ve learned that forgiveness isn’t about excusing the wrongs but about freeing myself from resentment. It’s a gift we give each other—and ourselves.
19. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
The people we surround ourselves with have an impact on our marriage. We make a conscious effort to spend time with couples who inspire us and support our commitment to each other.
20. Marriage is Not 50/50, It’s 100/100
I used to think marriage was about splitting everything evenly, but I’ve learned that a strong marriage is about both partners giving 100% of themselves, especially in the hard times.
21. Don’t Compare Your Marriage to Others
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our relationship to others, but every marriage is unique. I’ve learned to focus on our journey and not measure it against someone else’s.
22. Boundaries Protect, Not Restrict
Establishing boundaries around our time, energy, and even our interactions with others has been a form of protection for our marriage, not a restriction.
23. Trust is Earned Daily
Trust isn’t a one-time achievement but something we work on every day. I’ve learned that small acts of honesty and integrity, over time, build a solid foundation of trust.
24. Parenting is a Partnership
When we became parents, it tested our marriage in ways we didn’t expect. We’ve learned to support each other fully in parenting, sharing the load and backing each other’s decisions.
25. Self-Care is Essential
I used to feel guilty about taking time for myself, but I now realize that self-care makes me a better partner. When we’re both physically, emotionally, and mentally well, our marriage thrives.
26. Be Each Other’s Biggest Fan
I’ve learned to celebrate my spouse’s victories—big or small—because being each other’s cheerleader builds a sense of partnership and pride in our shared life.
27. Tradition and Spontaneity Can Coexist
We value traditions, but we’ve learned to embrace spontaneity, too. It keeps things fresh and reminds us that marriage is an adventure, not a routine.
28. Prayer and Faith Strengthen Bonds
Our faith has been an anchor through difficult times. Praying together and leaning into our spiritual beliefs has provided us with guidance and peace when we needed it most.
29. Time Apart Can Strengthen Togetherness
Taking time apart for personal reflection and growth has strengthened our bond. We’ve learned that missing each other, even for short periods, rekindles the excitement of being together.
30. Marriage is a Lifelong Learning Journey
I used to think that once we’d been married for a while, we’d have it all figured out. But I’ve come to understand that marriage is a continuous learning process. We’re constantly growing, adapting, and rediscovering each other, and that’s the beauty of it.
Through these lessons, I’ve learned that marriage isn’t about perfection; it’s about persistence. It’s not about grand gestures but about showing up every day, committed to loving, learning, and growing together.
