“I’m a failure.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I can’t make this work.”
“Who do I think I am?”
If you’re human, you’ve heard discouraging, negative thoughts from inside your own head. We all do, from the struggling to the successful, no one escapes the inner critic, the gremlins that taunt us.
Since these thoughts are part of the human experience, philosophers, gurus and therapists have all weighed in on their importance and what to do about them.
1. Freud
Most of us are probably influenced by Freud’s thinking on this matter, the psychoanalytical approach which holds that these thoughts are from our subconscious and they’re important. The thought is the tip of the iceberg and we are best served to follow it, explore it, seek it’s meaning.
Taking the thought, “I’m not good enough,” you could try to remember the first time you recollect being told that, perhaps by a parent or teacher. You could explore what choices you’ve made based on this belief. You might discover almost forgotten experiences that need a fresh look and healing.
2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Since the 1980s there has been a new approach to these negative thoughts in therapy circles, which is to question them. Instead of assuming they’re true and important, we confront them: Is it true?
In this case, you would look at “I’m not good enough,” and ask, “Says who?” and “What evidence is there to support this thought? and “Is there evidence against it being true?” You might make a list of all the times you have ‘been good enough’ – of all your contributions and accomplishments.
By turning your mind to this evidence list, the next time that thought pops up, you can return to and remember all the evidence that disproves it. You learn that you don’t need to take the thought seriously.
3. Mindfulness
Most recently there has been another shift in addressing these disturbing thoughts: Letting them go. Interestingly, this latest approach is a return to older practices which holds that thoughts don’t really matter.
Meditation and mindfulness invite us to be in the present moment, to bring our awareness to our breath and body. As thoughts arise, we simply let them drift by – positive, negative, neutral – they are all thoughts, just thoughts. Instead of engaging with them and exploring or refuting them, we just let them go, like clouds passing, and come back to what we hear, see, feel in the present moment.
What’s Right For You?
In my personal experience and with my clients, I find that each of these approaches can be powerful depending on the thought, intensity, frequency and our personal history.
For the more standard gremliny-fear thoughts, I recommend skipping Freud and questioning the thought. I have my clients create an evidence list that counter balances the thought. Then they learn to recognize it simply as a ‘thought- habit’ and move beyond it, replacing it with positive thoughts that are energizing and empowering.
