There’s nothing more natural or normal than women’s periods.
Hooray for blood and fertility and messing up yet another pair of perfectly serviceable knickers because you’ve sprung a leak, right?
Ok, so it’s hardly a thrill but we’re big girls, we can handle it and we understand it’s all just part of the joy that is the menstrual cycle.
However, there are some things about it that will blow your mind.
Here’s everything your biology teacher didn’t teach you about your period.
1. It sort of turns you into a man part 1
The drop in estrogen can apparently boost your ‘male cognitive skills,’ such as spatial thinking.
Hand me that map.
2. It sort of turns you into a man part 2
The cause of those very special period spots and lanky locks during your time of the month is testosterone aka man juice.
3. Here are some amazing foreign expressions for being on the blob –
South Africa: Granny’s stuck in traffic
Japan: Little Miss Strawberry
Brazil: I’m with Chico
Denmark: There are Communists in the funhouse
4. Many men think periods are sexy as f***
So much so there’s a whole menstrual porn industry built around it. Don’t believe me? Go on, Google ‘menstrual porn’.
5. Men who think periods are sexy as f*** are called Blood Hounds
Their fetish is called menophilia.
We’re not talking men who don’t have a problem with period sex. I mean hopefully that’s all men.
No, this is men who specifically look for women on their periods to have sex with.
I imagine they can be found hanging around the feminine hygiene aisle of Boots eyeing up waxy-skinned ladies on their lunch breaks.
6. Periods really are nightmares
Women are more prone to more disturbing, vivid dreams around their time of the month according to one study.
7. Your period makes you a cheap date
Probably. Apparently, alcohol metabolism increases about 10 per cent right after ovulation.
On the other hand, fluid retention, ie more water in your bloodstream, could mean it takes more alcohol to get you drunk.
8. Over your lifetime you will loose three times the amount of blood in your body
That’s an average of 16 litres.
9. You can still get pregnant on your period
Be warned!
10. Here are some more amazing foreign expression for shark week –
France: The English have arrived
Germany: The cranberry woman is coming
The Netherlands: The tomato soup is overcooked
Puerto Rico: Did the rooster already sing?
(Illustration: Liberty Antonia Sadler for Metro)
11. The reason you get hornier on your period is because…
The hormone thought to lower your libido, progesterone, is at its lowest during your period.
12. A girl’s first period is called a menarche
Some people celebrate with a First Moon Party. If you get invited to such a party, here’s the sort of gift you should bring.
13. Science can’t decide if period synching is real
If you and your housemates have experienced this you probably believe it, but studies have been done that both support and dispute its existence.
14. You don’t just bleed blood
There’s rainbows and unicorns in there too.
Only kidding – it’s a mix of blood, tissue from uterine lining and sometimes remnants of that egg that just died.
15. Menorrhagia is the medical term for an extremely heavy period
As in soaking through a pad or tampon every hour for hours.
16. The reason you get diarrhea is because…
Your hormones change around your period.
Chemicals called Prostaglandins, that allow the uterus and intestines to contract, are thought to be the main culprits but your diet could also factor.
17. The reason you get headaches is because…
Your hormones change around your period.
Oestrogen levels drop which can trigger headaches or migraines in the two days leading up to your period or on the first three days.
18. The reason you get sore boobs is because…
Your hormones change around your period.
Shifts in estrogen levels leads to swelling and tenderness the day before and on the first day especially.
Bloody hormones.
19. The reason you want to stuff yourself full of chocolate is because…
There are a number of theories, from the fact hormone shifts can trigger low mood, leading to comfort eating, to the fact you need more magnesium around your time of the month (which cocoa is high in), to the idea cravings are a response to the stress of a period and indulging is learned behaviour.
20. The reason you get brown or black blood at the end is because…
The blood is older because it’s not leaving your body as quickly as before. It’s basically the guy still hanging around when last orders are called at the bar.
21. Some women’s periods only last two days
The average is three to five but a period can last anywhere between two and seven days.
