Every man longs for a couple more inches on their pride and joy…unless it’s already massive.
If you’re in the big leagues then bravo, I take my hat off to you and your absurd shaft.
But for those who are still batting for the junior teams, here are 21 things you probably already know/think about your painfully average-sized member:
1. Of course you measure from the scrotum base.
2. Women prefer girth anyway…RIGHT!?
3. The only underwear that makes your package look decent is uncomfortably tight and chafey.
4. You’ll still attempt to pump some life into it before it’s unleashed among friends for antics .
5. You gain at least an inch when looking at it from the right angle.
6. The dreadful thought that you’ve stopped growing down there. Forever.
7. The person who came up with that ‘I’m a grower not a shower’ saying needs an OBE.
8. Penis pumps work but reduce your erection from rock-solid to turgid. And then there’s that shame feeling.
9. Certain sex positions will give your lady the illusion you’re hung like a moose.
10. It looks neater than a big penis (but what I would give to have a big, messy penis).
11. ALWAYS making out that you’re bigger than you really are.
12. Asking your lady friend: ‘What do you see as average?’
13. Striking the mangina pose in front of your girlfriend to make her laugh (but also because the action results in a chub-on).
14. It’s got contradictory name like Hulk or The Destroyer.
15. That heart-wrenching moment your partner reveals you’re not the biggest she’s been with.
16. ‘Cold in here, is it?’
17. Shaving pubes is an absolute must to increase Johnson visibility.
18. ‘It’s not the size, it’s what you can do with it that counts’…Yeah but I can’t do a lot if it’s not big enough.
19. I’m better with my hands/mouth anyway (but scared I’ll get sent to A&E with locked jaw or develop crippling arthritis in my fingers).
20.The moment you get out of a pool and desperately uncling your swimming shorts to that disappointing bulge.
21. There’s more important things in life than having an impressive schlong. But it would make me happy on my bad days.
