Hooray For Boobies, right?
Well, not always.
There’s certain things The Bloodhound Gang probably didn’t know about breasts when they called their album that.
Here’s 20 daily trials faced by women with big boobs.
1. Swimwear
Oh God. This could be a whole article in itself.
Female flasher aids aka most bikinis, tops not matching bottoms, having to spend £70 on a swimsuit because it’s the only one with adequate support.
It almost makes you want to stay inside and sit summer out.
2. Testing clothes
Most people probably enter the M&S changing rooms, try on their garments and exit.
You have to jog on the spot just in case there’s a chance a boob will pop out.
3. It’s hard not to look sexy
Oh wow, what a terrible trial.
Except, actually, there are quite a number of situations in which looking sexy is inappropriate.
Job interviews. Running for mayor. Wakes.
4. Big, baggy tops make people give up their seat on the Tube for you
But fitted ones make people think you’re on the pull.
5. ‘Oi! Tits!’
Who said chivalry was dead?
6. The word ‘motorboat’
Here’s a tip, ladies – if you do not know what this means, Google it. Do not ask the guy in a club who used it, as I did.
7. Some men forget you have a face
8. Hugs become more sexual than they need to be
Because you boobs embrace your mate before you arms can.
9. Limited dress choices
Maybe I want to wear a lovely backless dress, or a cheeky little strapless number.
Oh well, V-neck it is again.
10. Tops with built in bras
11. Dresses with elastic waists
Oh good, I look pregnant again.
12. HIIT
Star jumps? Burpees?
In fact any kind of running or jumping can knob right off.
13. Accidentally making cute, boho necklaces sexual
Look, I can’t help that it falls between the crack.
14. Being excluded from high fashion
Start designing around my body instead of a prepubescent boy!
I don’t want to choose between looking like Jodie Marsh circa 1990 or a yummy mummy.
15. You love your new Sophia Webster shoes…
It’s just a shame you’ll never get to see them when you’re wearing them.
16. Red welts on your boobs and marks on your shoulders
Or bra scars as I call them.
17. Not being able to wear adorable sloganed or graphic T-shirts because you crack the paint
How am I supposed to express my love for Wonder Woman now?
18. Chunky, high neck jumpers give you uniboob
And make you look like a marshmallow with legs.
19. Lying on your front hurts a LOT
So you may or may not have dug out special little boob pits at the beach.
20. Men forget you have other erogenous zones
Let’s just say the backs of your knees can get horribly neglected.
