You know that ex? The one you really hate. Well next time they text you, try one of these responses.

We’ve all got one ex who we basically want to die. It’s not pretty, but it’s just the way life goes.

But for some reason, your extreme hatred hasn’t put them off getting in touch. Why? Because they’re stupid (but that’s a whole other matter).

And no matter what you say, they keep coming back. Like a bad smell. A really obnoxiously persistent bad smell.

Well not any more, because we’ve found 18 perfect ways to shut them down.

Read ‘em and weep (tears of laughter and joy).

1. The (literally) rubbish diss

2. The casual change of subject

3. Letting the facts speak for themselves 

4. Agreeing. That really throws them off

5. Deferring to (our new favourite inanimate object) the magic conch

6. The right-back-atcha

 7. Taking it to the bad bad place (sometimes it’s the only way)

8. The in ya face comeback

9. The get the hint

10. The corporate approach

11. Spell it out

12. Say it with a picture (in this case, the little girl from Monsters Inc.)

13. Hit ‘em where it hurts

14. When all else fails, just say”NO!”

15. Feign amnesia

16. The ‘I’m not playing your games’ shut down

17. Tell ‘em where to go

18. The string them along, then drop them from a great height

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