Not all breakup excuses are created equally. Say just enough — state the reason in the most gingerly way possible, offer a hug if they’re into that — and nobody gets hurt. Say too much and you’ll scar them for life.
Need some pointers on what doesn’t work? Below, we’ve compiled 15 of the dumbest breakup excuses Redditors said they’ve ever heard. They’re so bad, they’ll have you missing, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
1. “We don’t fight enough so you must not care about this relationship as much as I do.” –aabbccatx
2. “My friend got broken up with for not texting his girlfriend back for two hours. He was in the hospital.” –birdmankustomz
3. “My friend broke up with a girl for not liking Eminem.” –Con-Solo
(Photo credit: AP)
4. “A girl once broke up with me because one night she had to pay for one of her own drinks. Her first, I think. I can’t remember why, but I do remember paying the rest the night. Next day? Bam. Broke up with me. ‘Do you know how unattractive it is to have to pay for for my own drink?’ Drink. Not drinks. Couldn’t believe it. Obviously a huge loss.” –just_zhis_guy
5. “A guy once broke up with me a few days before Valentine’s Day, so that on Valentine’s Day, his present to me would be us getting back together.” –kirbyshadow
6. “‘My feelings have cooled from 100 percent to 70 percent.’ He was out of the honeymoon phase. I just… what?!” –Wonderlandless
7. “I was dumped by someone who started reading Twilight books and was told ‘You’re like my Jacob, I want to find my Edward.'” –Trudeur
(Photo credit: Nayara Oliveira/Flickr)
8. “She pronounced the word supposedly ‘supposebly.’ Actually, come to think of it, that is absolutely grounds for a breakup.” –Olympia1528
9. “I know someone that broke up with a girl because she was too short for him. He is not tall by any means, just average height, but the act of bending down a little bit to kiss her was way too bothersome.” –Onions69
10. “She smelled like soup. She smelled exactly like Campbell’s Beef Vegetable Soup.” –human_beans
(Photo credit: dog.happy.art/Flickr)
11. “My friend once dumped a girl because she misused hyphens.” –baby_fart
12. “His boss told him to dump me. I was distracting him from his work too much.” –BlackCaaaaat
13. “Your hands are always so sweaty. This isn’t working out.” –largedude
14. “I broke up with a guy because he bought my dog a toy. I thought he was moving too fast.” –creativename123456
(Image credit: Holly Hildreth via Getty Images)
15. “My dumbest reason is my own. When I was 14 and had my first girlfriend, I broke up with her near Christmas because I didn’t know what to get her for Christmas. Bonus: I broke up with her over voicemail. This was in 1998. I still occasionally feel bad about it.” –Itellsadstories
