by Ainee Nizami
Still spending most of your time in the kitchen because you feel that you ‘have to’ make sure your husband gets a hot meal when he comes home from work exhausted? Well, the 90s called and they want this regressive approach back. While you were busy feeling guilty for not making round rotis and coming back from work later than your husband, things changed. Although age-old rigid rules seem like the golden guide to a happy marriage, they can also be limiting. So give up on the guilt – and these 15 other things, and work towards a happier and less stressful relationship.
Your husband should be your life: While it’s great to tend to your husband and kids, it is also a good idea to keep your own identity and not lose yourself in the everyday routine.
Be selfless: Constantly putting people’s needs over your own will result in you resenting the relationship and feeling depressed. Do something for yourself each day, something that truly makes you happy.
Good girls don’t talk about sex: As a society, we suppress sexual feelings to such an extent that a wife often feels ashamed to discuss her needs with her own husband. Don’t let the feeling of ‘shame’ come in the way of a healthy sex life.
Do what your husband says: In the past, married couples had a gender role to play where the man took the decisions and the woman followed. You are a strong, thinking individual and have every right to make your opinion heard and acted upon.
Don’t be too emotional: Many women shy away from expressing their true feelings for the ‘fear’ of their partner not understanding them. While we are in no way suggesting an emotional drama, at times, letting him know that certain things are just not acceptable, is a good idea.
Don’t wash your dirty laundry in public: Contrary to popular belief the first year of marriage is often the hardest. Don’t be afraid to talk about the problems and take help if necessary.
Don’t go to bed angry: When it comes to everyday issues, try to follow this rule. But there are certain things that take time to work through. Sleep on it, think about it the next morning and try talking to your partner about it once again.
Never argue with your husband: Believe it or not, the usual squabble over the TV remote is actually a sign of a happy marriage. Talking and arguing about issues indicate that you are communicating and trying to ease things out.
The husband has to be the sole breadwinner: This might be one of the most obsolete unspoken marriage rules ever. Women today have achieved far greater heights and men too are more open and supportive of their wives’ careers and growth.
Men need an ego boost: Well honestly, even the best of them need it at times (but so do we). We no longer have to draw our lives around what a man likes or doesn’t. Be your own person and let him love you for it.
You must not tell him everything: Yes, we married folk are honest about most things but imagine a conversation where you tell your husband that you are attracted to a guy or maybe that you hate his mother (you might have told him this already). Counselors suggest that this can be the first step towards a more liberating relationship and unconditional love.
Children must come first: Parenting requires a 25-hour vigilance, but that does not mean that you keep your life on the back burner till your child is big enough to not need you anymore. Pay attention to your relationship with your husband and don’t let your love life play second fiddle to your kids.
You marry the family: Not really. Respect his family, yes, but also expect that same respect in return. You no longer have to ‘adjust’ and ‘put up with’ your in-laws just because you are related to them.
He manages the money: If you are a smart, working woman, you can very well manage your own money too. You don’t need your man to take decisions for you, unless it’s something that you both agree upon.
He works, you manage the home: Wives letting their husbands cook or help with household chores was considered blasphemous at one point of time. This is no longer the case. Dividing the chores and working as a team works just as great in a marriage as it does in a corporate setting.
