by June Silny
Love is hard work. It’s fun at first. Nothing else matters but the two of you. Then you live together, and everything changes. What happened to those beautiful moments of looking into each other’s eyes and feeling your spine tingle? Your “happily ever after” isn’t happening.
Your love was once strong. Now there are more bills to pay, crying children, opinionated in-laws, and sleepless nights. As time goes by, you feel that you aren’t important to each other. But that’s not true, it’s just that the stress of life has become your priority, not each other.
Well, I have good news. The connection is still there, but it’s buried under piles of dirty laundry in the corner of the bedroom, dishes in the kitchen sink, and bickering over what the other person just said. Once you clear the clutter from your relationship, you’ll get back to looking at each other with loving eyes again.
If you knew how to be romantic when you were dating, you could do it again. You just have to put in a little extra effort now to fit love into your busy schedules.
If you are willing to fight for the love you once had, treat each other like you did when you were dating. This is how to rekindle those amazing moments you used to share.
1. Schedule a date night
You don’t have to go to a five-star restaurant or a movie to have a date night. Date nights can be just as romantic in the comfort of your own bedroom. Turn off the television and shut the devices. Be cute and playful. Text each other during the day, “date night 2nite <3.” Even if you’re tired, make an effort to rekindle your romance.
2. Talk to each other
Gentlemen, there is nothing a woman loves more than a heart to heart conversation. Just talk to her. Ask about her day, her job, and her friends. Be present. Show her that you care. Look at her. Listen to what she says. Believe it or not, a face-to-face conversation can be extremely intimate. Ladies, let him talk too. Let him tell you how terrible his favorite sports team played or how annoying the guy who sits next to him at work was. You’ll be surprised to see how romantic a conversation can be.
3. Shut out the rest of the world
Focus on each other. If you find your mind wandering to the stack of papers on your desk at work, bring your thoughts back to each other. Keep your attention on the person in front of you. Just like during meditation, it’s a mind exercise that might need a little retraining but it will happen.
4. Attention girls!
Dress up a little. Get out of your sweatpants. Take your hair out of that ponytail. Put on a little blush and lipstick, just like you did when you were dating.
5. Say only positive comments
It’s easy to get on each other’s nerves but if you want to fall in love again, forget your list of negative complaints. Dump the negativity in the trash. It’s a toxic algae that grows in your mind. Starting from the tiniest thought, it grows until it’s so big it’s the only thing you see when you look at the other person. Remember the person you adored? The person you couldn’t live without for even five minutes? The positive traits are still there. You just have to look a little harder now to see them. Give each other compliments.
6. Negative traits have a positive side
Every trait has two sides to it. When you first fell in love, only the positive side was visible. Once you get comfy, the negative side of the trait shows its unattractive side. Train your brain to see the flip side of that trait. If your partner likes everything in order, he might be annoyed if your closet does not look like the one in the Container Store catalog. When that happens, remind yourself that that is the same trait that makes him succeed at work. His organized ways means he has an organized mind. That’s a good thing. At first, it’s a challenge, but if you continue, you can see the positive side of an annoying trait.
7. Give and expect nothing in return
Purses, jewelry, and flowers are nice, but those can feel insincere sometimes. If you really want to show her you care, give her something that will make her life easier (not a new Vitamix, although that’s not a bad idea). Do something that will please your partner. Give of yourself.
8. Peace is more important than being right
You don’t have to fight every battle. Most battles are not worth fighting over. And you don’t have to prove you are right every time. Your relationship is more important than your ego.
9. Re-evaluate your words
Are you saying, “I love you,” so often that it has lost its meaning? Of course, there is nothing wrong with expressing love often. It is important that your loved one feels that your words are sincere. Express genuine love so that it enters your lover’s heart.
10. Be compassionate
Stand in your partner’s place. Try to understand what he or she is feeling. Work is stressful. Life is full of conflict. Having a person on your side, without judgment or criticism is a comforting stress reliever.
11. Be on the same team
Relationships are not competitions. You are not against each other; you are there for each other, cheering each other on as teammates. Say the words, “I’m on your side.”
12. Put your ego aside
Everything isn’t about you. When it becomes about you, there is no room for anyone else. If you want to be loved, you have to be lovable.
13. Dance together
Dancing is romantic. Slow dance in your bedroom or even in the kitchen. Dancing is two people moving in sync. Feel the rhythm you share.
14. Laugh together
Lighten up and have some fun. Life is serious. It’s your job to take a break away from the stress. Laughter is the best medicine.
Once you schedule the time and put in a little extra effort, you will be able to live, love, and laugh together happily ever after again.
