It’s not just about getting to see breasts every day, it’s also about love and acceptance and getting to see breasts every day.
1. A sense of stability. Single life is confusing and horrifying and forces you to meet new people constantly. It’s exhausting. Dating someone long -term is warm and safe, like sleeping inside a relationship incubator.
2. Actually being able to enjoy bars. When you’re a single, straight man, bars are frightening jungles of constant peer pressure. You’re supposed to go out and get drunk and talk to women and embarrass yourself. When you’re in a stable relationship, you can just stay in one spot and watch your single friends make fools of themselves.
3. Cuddling. People can make jokes all they want about people in long-term relationships and marriages not having any sex. But first off, they’re wrong. Second, cuddling rules.
4. Having a legitimately supportive person in your life. You can have terrible friends and estranged family, but when you’re with someone for the long haul, you know it’s because they care a ton about you. It’s nice to have someone willing to support your dreams of being a cartoonist and not ridicule you for quitting your day job.
5. Not having to worry about how you act. It’s stressful as hell to date, because you always feel like you’ve got to be yourself at 110 percent. In a long-term relationship, you can be a dumb dork and they like you more.
6. Having someone to come home to. Also having someone to call an ambulance in case you fall in the shower.
7. Combining domestic superpowers. Between the two of you, you can probably cook, clean, do laundry, and fix things around the house. It’s like you’re one fully formed person. As long as at least one of you isn’t scared of spiders, you’re set.
8. Always having a date to things. There are a lot of things way worse than needing to find a date for a wedding, but it’s nice to know you’re not going to have to ask someone you are sort of casually dating to come meet your entire extended family.
9. Not feeling the pressures of finding someone in your late 20s. Grandma can finally get off your back.
10. Splitting the rent with someone. Do you know what’s better than living on your own? Living with someone you get to have sex with and spending half of your rent money on videogames smart investments.
11. Not having to manscape as often. Shaving your balls is frightening, so being with someone who will accept your balls for what they are is beautiful.
12. Getting woman advice from someone who isn’t your mom. There are some things you need to hear from a woman (advice on dealing with your female boss, vaginas, how birth control works) and it’s nice to get that perspective from someone other than the woman who raised you and thinks you’re perfect and a virgin.
13. Boobs 24/7. Unlimited boobs. You can just wake up and roll over and start touching boobs, guaranteed. That’s great.
