by Frank Kobola
Women have their own share of physiological problems, but it’s not often you stop to think about just how hard it can be to own and maintain a pair of balls.
1. Ball sweat. There’s a lot of loose skin hanging around down there, which basically means the second the air temperature goes one degree above room temperature, our junk becomes a sweaty, gross mess. Every man has gone into the bathroom to splash water on his balls at one time or another.
2. Ball stubble. We all have body parts that we shave and trim, but most of them aren’t a gelatinous, free-form sack that manages to rub its own stubble against itself like it’s trying to start a fire.
3. We can sit on them. Imagine somehow being able to put your full weight on your most sensitive areas as you hurtle towards a chair. Now multiply that times 100.
4. They change size. Balls can actually double in size during sex. It feels kind of odd to have everything down there so swollen, only to suddenly deflate.
5. They stick to our legs. Have you ever seen an upset looking guy standing around like he’s hesitant about doing the splits? It’s because the humidity has caused his balls to stick to his leg, and this is the only way he can subtly get them separated (OK, so it’s not that subtle).
6. They’re different sizes. Kind of like breasts, one ball is usually bigger than the other (it’s usually the left one), which winds up making a guy’s ball sack look all lumpy and asymmetrical. Not great.
7. Getting kicked in the balls. Yes, getting kicked in the vag can hurt, but lady-parts aren’t all out there and exposed like low-hanging fruit. Even a tap is the worst thing.
8. Testicular torsion. Basically, our testicles can get tangled up inside our scrotum, cutting off circulation and causing the most insane pain imaginable. (You know, other than child birth.)
9. They’re gross looking. You could take a tasteful black and white photo of a pair of balls laid out on a satin pillow in front of a sunset, and it’d still look like a close-up of an old man’s forehead. No one thinks balls are pretty.
10. Blue balls are real (kind of). While balls might not turn bright blue, fluid buildup can cause men a lot of discomfort. It’s kind of like having to pee, but not being able to. And men don’t need to have sex to get rid of the sensation. It can go away on its own.
11. They get tangled in our boxers. Loose garments just cause our balls to wrap around them like some skin anaconda. So there you go, the reason we’re always “adjusting.”
12. Sometimes we accidentally pee on them. Sometimes, at the right angle, if we’re sitting down for a, uh, longer bathroom visit, we wind up peeing on our own balls because our penis is tucked into them at a weird angle. If you ever hear someone screaming “NO!” as you walk by a men’s public restroom, it’s because this happened.
13. They can touch the toilet water. It doesn’t happen all the time, but we’re sitting on the toilet and the water level is high enough, our balls can dip into the toilet water. If this happens in a public restroom, we immediately start thinking about how we’re going to tell our friends and loved ones we have syphilis.
(via Cosmopolitan)
