You’ve played your cards well enough that the new girl you’re dating has finally agreed to come back to your apartment after a night out. Until now, you’ve held back on making a move because you didn’t want to scare her off, but you can’t wait any longer. You want her in your bed—badly. The pressure is on to make a smooth transition from first base to home plate, but what does that entail? Music? Candles? Definitely not.
Skip any elaborate scheming and keep it simple. We asked experts for their best tips on how to consummate a new relationship—with tact. If you get it right on the first try, we promise she’ll be coming back for more.
1. Pay Attention to Nonverbal Clues
“Sometimes a guy is so anxious to sleep with a new partner that he gets caught up in the excitement. But if he wants it to be a great sexual experience for her, then he needs to read her signs,” says Dr. Jenn Berman of VH1’s Couples Therapy and host of The Love and Sex Show with Dr. Jenn on SiriusXM. “Look at how she’s responding to your moves—what makes her excited and what is she less excited about?”
2. Don’t Steal Bases
As much as you want to fast-forward to the main event, don’t underestimate the value of foreplay. “A lot of men don’t realize that biologically, women need it to get their bodies warmed up,” Berman says. “If you want her to have an orgasm, the best chance of that happening is a good 20 minutes of foreplay.”
3. Dress to Impress
Girls make sure their undergarments are impressive, and men should do the same. “Wear boxer-briefs. Seriously,” says Amber Madison, a New York City-based therapist who specializes in dating and relationships. “They’re sexy and more sophisticated than boxers.”
4. Forget 50 Shades
If you’re into the unconventional, save it for a later date. “Despite what you might have been hearing about from Fifty Shades of Grey, most women will be a little freaked out if you show up for a first-time sexual encounter with warming gel and sex toys,” says Melissa White, CEO and founder of Lucky Bloke. “Until you know one another’s comfort zones, you should probably stay away from anything kinky. Plus, you don’t know yet what sensitivities she might have to condoms or lubricants with heating or cooling properties—and you don’t want her wanting a shower instead of you.”
5. Clean Your Room
She’s not going to sit on your bed if it’s covered in crap. “If you’re planning on having sex at your place, clean your home,” White advises. “It should look tidy and inviting—not like the set of a Seth Rogen movie.”
6. Be Well Groomed
Like the status of your apartment (read: laundry not overflowing from the hamper), your appearance should be equally as pulled together. If you’re hoping she will be visiting your lower region, it’s important that the area is well kempt so as not to disgust her. “A little manscaping goes a long way,” notes Berman.
“Make sure you shower and smell good, but too much cologne is a turnoff,” White adds. “We all rely on pheromones to be turned on. You want her to be able to smell you—albeit a freshly showered, you.”
7. Go the Extra Mile
Thoughtfulness goes a long way, and we’re not necessarily talking flowers or chocolate. “Women like to see a man make an effort, like planning a terrific date,” Berman says. “Most men underestimate how far that goes,” meaning it might go as far as the bedroom.
8. Protect Yourself
It’s your first time together, so you probably haven’t talked birth control or previous partners. So, take the lead on this one: “Don’t make her bring up the subject; making her uncomfortable is a surefire way out of the bedroom,” White says. “It’s a welcome surprise when a man comes prepared in this department.”
9. Make the Connection
Keep things close, on more than a physical level. “There’s nothing sexier than some intimate eye contact during sex,” White says. “Instead of staring at the wall or the ceiling, capture her gaze, hold her hand.”
10. Have Patience
Taking the plunge with someone new means figuring out how the two of you work together—not just physically but in terms of chemistry, too. “Your first time with a new partner may not go perfectly, and that’s OK,” says Dr. Logan Levkoff, of Trojan’s Sexual Health Advisory Council. “It takes a while to get to know somebody’s body and what he or she likes.”
11. Give Her a Proper Send-Off
Everyone’s got to eat in the a.m., right? If you can cook, go for it. At the very least, offer her a cup of coffee. “This will ensure that things don’t get awkward,” Madison says. “Also, text her later that day. This way, when she starts to have the “He just wanted sex” freak-out, as many girls do, hearing from you will calm her down.” It’s the perfect close to your first time together.
