In a recent interview, Madonna revealed that the thing she misses least about marriage is being referred to as “the wife.” I think it’s fair to say all wives know what she’s talking about — like you’re accessory or simply filling a position and not an actual person.
Even if it pops out unintentionally, some terms can have pretty negative connotations that can stir up trouble in a flash. Whether they’re said in the heat of anger or accidentally in the form of a relatively innocent Freudian slip, no one likes to be called a derogatory name.
For example, last week I overheard my husband on the phone with someone. As he was wrapping up the call, he said, “Let me check with my mother and get back to you.”
Ugh. He didn’t mean his mother, he meant me! Sadly, his mom passed away when he was very young so I’m certainly not offended by any comparison to a woman I never had the chance to meet, yet there was something about it that definitely didn’t sit well with me.
It sort of implied he had to get my “permission” or that I’m the one making all the decisions here. (Maybe it’s me, but I couldn’t help wonder: Am I am controlling shrew?) He quickly caught himself and said with a laugh, “Oh, sorry, I mean my wife.”
I found out I’m not alone here. We asked women to share the names their husbands have called them that they liked least and “mother” came up more than a few times. Check it out:
1. “His mother’s name. *shudder*,” writes happymia, a CafeMom member.
2. “His mother, lol,” says CafeMom member funmommy123.
3. “My ex-husband used to call me his ‘baby mama’ and that drove me INSANE,” shares CafeMom member StitchesandLace.
4. “I would hate it if he ever called me ‘His old lady’ I am not old and he better have more respect for me than that,” says CafeMom member MysticLove
5. “I often hear my husband telling people, ‘I’ll check with THE BOSS and let you know.’ He does it when he wants to get out of doing something and wants to blame it on me so he can call back and say, ‘THE BOSS says we have other plans,'” says Margaret, mom of three. “Occasionally he’ll also refer to me as THE CHIEF and the whole thing is laughable because he is doing exactly what he wants at all times.”
6. “… the very worse thing he could possibly call me is his ‘ex wife’ … oh my god … I’d be devastated to lose him. I hope to be with him our whole lives and even afterwards,” says CafeMom member Earthangel1967.
7. “Wrong,” says Arthistmom, a CafeMom member.
8. “Ball and chain,” says CafeMom member Sarahjz.
9. “It’s the overuse of a pet name that wears on me,” says CafeMom member CurlersNHeels. “If my husband calls me beautiful, I feel beautiful. If my husband calls me beautiful every single time he comes around a corner, after a while I just don’t feel like he’s complimenting me as much as he’s given me a new name and and the meaning behind it completely disappears into monotony.”
10. “When he calls me by my full name, cause then I know something big is about to happen, but most of the time he calls me J-bear and I love it,” says CafeMom member JeniMae1.
11. “The ‘b’ word,” says ksbondgirl, a CafeMom member.
What’s the worst name your partner has ever called you?
