Recently, Tik-tok sensations, Ling and Lamb, an American wife and Nigerian husband duo, have had to go online to address the rude comments they get that touch on the issue of childbearing. After watching their emotional response to insensitive comments from fans and haters, alike, I decided. Navigating conversations with married couples who don’t have children requires sensitivity and respect. It’s important to be mindful that the reasons behind their situation can be very personal and sometimes painful. Here are a few things you should avoid saying to a childless couple:
“When are you planning to have children?”
This is a common question that many married couples get asked, but it’s actually very personal and can be intrusive. The couple may be struggling with infertility, might have chosen not to have children, or could be dealing with other personal issues that you’re not privy to.
“Don’t you like children?”
This assumption can be offensive. Not having children doesn’t equate to not liking them. A couple might not have children for many reasons, and disliking children is not necessarily one of them.
“You’re not getting any younger.”
This comment can add unnecessary pressure and be hurtful, especially if the couple is trying to conceive or has fertility issues. It’s also an unwelcome reminder of the biological clock, which can be a source of stress and anxiety.
“Who will take care of you when you’re old?”
This statement implies that the sole reason for having children is to ensure care in old age. It’s important to remember that people can have fulfilling lives and secure their future care without having children.
“You don’t know real love until you have a child.”
This dismissive statement invalidates a couple’s experience of love in their relationship. Love is not exclusive to parenthood, and respecting the various ways love can be expressed and experienced is essential.
“You wouldn’t understand; you’re not a parent.”
This suggests that the individual or couple lacks some fundamental understanding of life. Everyone has different life experiences, and not having children doesn’t make someone less capable of empathy or understanding.
“You’re lucky you have so much free time without kids.”
This can come off as dismissive of a couple’s life experiences and the possible struggles they might be facing. It assumes that without kids, a couple is living a carefree life, which might not be the case.
“Isn’t that a bit selfish?”
Choosing not to have children, or not being able to, is a personal decision and doesn’t make someone selfish. This statement is judgmental and disrespectful.
“Your life must be so empty without kids.”
This is a negative and unjust assumption about a childless couple’s life quality. Having a fulfilling life doesn’t exclusively rely on parenthood. Couples can find joy, purpose, and fulfillment in various other aspects of life such as careers, hobbies, relationships, travel, and personal development.
“But you’d make such great parents!”
While usually intended as a compliment, this statement can feel like a blow to couples struggling with infertility or those who have chosen not to have children for personal reasons. It inadvertently adds pressure and may bring up feelings of guilt, sadness, or inadequacy. Remember, the choice and ability to parent is an intensely personal matter and should be handled with care.
When talking to a married couple without children, it’s always best to avoid caution and respect their privacy unless they initiate the conversation. Everyone’s journey is unique, and it’s important to show empathy and understanding to others.
