Breaking up is not easy. When you go through a break-up, it is easy to feel sad, lost and even heartbroken. Your friends try to pick you up, as do your family. But deep inside, you know that you’re not really fine. And no matter how many times you go through the process, it doesn’t get any easier. The sense of loss is always sharp.
One of the worst things about breaking up is the advice that well-meaning people try to give you. They throw cliches in your direction, tell you that he so wasn’t worth it, and that there are plenty more fish in the sea. Rather than make you feel better, it just makes you feel a little frustrated. And because everyone deals with a breakup in different ways, let’s take a look at 10 breakup myths that are actually untrue.
Because It Wasn’t “Official” You Can’t Be That Sad
Okay, so you and your boyfriend were never “official.” You didn’t announce your relationship on Facebook or to work colleagues, and consequently it was just a casual thing. Therefore, you obviously didn’t care all that much about him in the first place and are thus not going to miss him!
Er, wrong. You might not have been officially a pair, but this doesn’t mean that you didn’t have a lot of feelings for him. There may have been many reasons for you two not coming out in the open, and it may well be that it was him that was telling you to keep quiet about it all. The truth was, you probably wanted to tell the whole world.
To Get Over Someone, You Need To Date Someone Else
They call this the rebound effect: when you’re so troubled at having lost someone, that you immediately run to the arms of another just to feel wanted again. Rather than spend your nights crying into your pillow, lying next tosomeone is still better than nothing.
The truth is that it really isn’t. Rebound relationships never last more than a week or two, and they only keep your personal agony at bay for a little longer. You will still face a flood of emotion eventually, and you will in fact feel a lot worse, because sandwiched between your former lover and your emotions is another guy!
You Can Never Get Back With Your Ex
Your friends tell you this all the time. According to them, it’s a rule written in stone.
“I really want to give it another go,” you say.
“No. No. You are not going there. I’ve got a few guys lined up instead for you. Here, meet Colin. He’s 45, slightlybalding (though don’t mention it because he gets shy), and is looking for work.”
Perhaps it’s due to a bad experience they had personally, but your friends will be desperate to convince you that exes do not go well together. The truth, though, is that you can definitely get back with your ex. Things might not have worked out so well the first time around, but they can definitely work out the second time. It happens.
You Can Still Be Friends
Okay, sometimes you can still be friends. And if you’ve just been broken up with for the first ever time, you’ll definitely believe that the two of you will remain friends forever. You might not be able to kiss him, but at least you can still call him up whenever you want and hang out, right?
It seems like a nice idea, but it very rarely works out like this. Exes don’t tend to remain in touch with one another. Eventually, they fade out of each other’s lives so completely that there will come a time when you don’t even have his number anymore.
You Need Closure
What is it with people needing closure after a relationship? It’s as though they can’t move on with their life until they “get closure.” Their appetite is awry, they’ve taken a few days off work, and they refuse to date anyone else until close has been had.
You don’t need closure. This is a myth. Sometimes, a sense of closure might help, but certainly not always. Rather than confront your ex and find out what really went wrong, you should just let sleeping dog’s lie and move on with your life.
You Shouldn’t Delete Him From Facebook
Your friends say to you that if you delete him from Facebook, you will look bitter and sore. You will look as though you’re trying to get revenge and, anyway, you’ll be adding him again in six months time when you realise that you miss all his silly statuses and funny selfies.
No, this is a lie. You’re perfectly within your rights to delete him from your Facebook if you know that seeing his status updates and photographs will only make you feel down in the dumps. Moreover, he probably won’t even notice you’ve deleted him until after a week or two, while nobody is going to be writing “BITTER!!” on your wall, are they?
You Must Show The World That You’re Over Him
How many times have you seen girls and guys take to Facebook after a breakup to show the world that they’re better off without their ex? They’ll make a gazillion status updates about how great their life is (despite updating their status once a year previously), and post lots of pics of that time they went to a party last night, the night before and the night before that. Life is AWESOME!
The truth is that life isn’t awesome, and after a week you’ll burn out before breaking down into a tear-stained ball on the sofa. You’ve got nothing to prove, and you certainly don’t need to flaunt your “new great life” on social media. Just deal with your emotions privately and let yourself heal naturally.
You Broke Up With Him, So You Should Get Over It Quicker
Just because you broke up with him, it does not mean that you should get over it instantly. Sometimes, we end a relationship because we know that it just isn’t working or because we both have different plans for the future. For example, you might break up with a guy because you want children and he doesn’t. You take control and end things because someone has to. But you still suffer.
Never Believe The Line “It’s Not You; It’s Me.”
At some point, we’ve all been treated to the classic “It’s not you, it’s me,” breakup line. And because we’ve heard it so many times in the movies, we can’t help but smirk whenever the other person says it.
Before breaking down because we know that it really is us.
The truth, though, is that it really is them, and they’re admitting it.
You Shouldn’t Dwell On It
Um, actually you should totally dwell on it. Thinking about your relationship and what went wrong can actually speed up the healing process, giving you a chance to remember who you were when you were single previously.
Stay happy!
