Do you ever wish there was a magic wand that would make you more attractive to the opposite sex, or at least help you understand who is attracted to you? Well, it’s no magic but a science. Here’s how men and women can learn to master the art of love.
“Body language is hardwired into our brains, and therefore most often used in unconscious movements,” says Allan Pease, body language expert and author of The Body Language of Love, (Harper Collins, $19.85). “Women are better wired for picking up on non-verbal signals, so if men want to increase their chances in the mating game, then they should learn how to decode gestures women commonly use.”
Signals men need to know
- When women toss or flick their hair: If you are talking to a woman and she flicks her hair, it definitely means she’s into you. But if you’re the one watching and she’s done it for someone else, well, better luck next time. “You’ll be surprised at how common hair flick and head toss is,” says his wife and co-author of the book, Barbara Pease. “Even women with short hair do it all the time.” It’s a woman’s way to show she cares about how she looks and wants to impress her man.
- When women fiddle with a round object: Sounds like something you might see in a cheesy Benny Hill show, but Allan says, it’s true. If a woman is fondling a phallic-shaped object such as the stem of a wine glass or a dangling earring and giving you repeated glances, she finds you attractive. “It also means she’s approachable,” adds Barbara.
- When women are unconsciously touching themselves: This is body language at the most basic level. “Watch for a woman slowly stroking her neck, throat or thigh,” says Allan. “If a man plays his cards right, then he may get to touch her in the same way.
- When women point their knees: When you see a woman sitting with one leg tucked up under her, chances are that the knee pointing outwards is pointing towards the person she finds the most interesting. Hope that is you. If she’s wearing a dress or skirt, it can offer a fleeting glimpse of an exposed thigh to anyone who’s looking — preferably the person of interest.
- When women put their face on display: A woman who is trying to attract a man’s attention, with elbows resting on a surface, will place one hand on top of the other, then place her chin on her hands and face directly to him as is she is offering it to him for admiration. “It is an extremely feminine gesture, and an intimate one, as it also allows the woman to lean in towards the man,” says Barbara. “It also indicates that he has her full attention, and is open to flattery, flirtation and advances.”
Signals women need to know
But for women, there is a comparative lack of male courtship signals. “Men don’t play a courtship game,” says Barbara. “They only respond to it.”
Girls, watch out for the following and scout out your man:
- When men have protruding thumbs: Thumbs are prominent in many hand gestures, as they represent strength of character and the ego. “A man will use protruding thumbs, in front or back pockets, around women to whom he is attracted,” says Allan.
- When men display their crotch: Every woman reading this knows at least one man who sits with his legs spread wide at her, like he is taking her photograph. “The crotch display is effectively putting a man’s masculinity on show,” says Barbara. “His feet are planted firmly on the ground, with his legs apart, displaying the crotch, and letting whoever is observing know that he’s not going anywhere.
- When their fingers point to what he wants you to notice: When a man’s thumbs are tucked into his belt or into the tops of the pockets to frame the genital area, it indicates a sexually aggressive attitude. Allan says this gesture shows to a woman that “I am ready for action”. “He has unwittingly given away what’s on his mind,” adds Barbara.
- When men try hard: To make them look more appealing, men will unconsciously arrange their clothing. They will straighten their tie, brush imaginary dust off their shoulder and adjusts their trousers. “His mind says, ‘I want to look my best for you’ and his body responds accordingly,” adds Allan.
- When men take up space: A man will put his hands on his hips to occupy as much space as possible to become more noticeable. He may even start to rock back and forth on the soles of his feet as if he was making love in a standing position. According to Barbara, “When it comes to male courtship signals, women often ask me, ‘For men, is it always about sex?’ Disappointingly for many women, the answer is ‘yes’.”
Body language tips for men
- If a woman slowly crosses and uncrosses her legs then she is into you. If not, her legs would stay firmly in place.
- If a woman has put her handbag close to you, she likes you. But if she has just clutched it tightly, bugger off.
- If a woman has her legs together and body facing away, buddy, you are going home alone tonight.
Body language tips for women
- When a man is wearing tight-fitting trousers, small-size Speedos or dangling the long end of a belt or a bunch of keys in front of their crotch, it means they’re putting their masculinity on display. It’s the same as a woman with a push-up bra.
- When a man puts his hands in his pocket, it means they are closed-off.
- When a man mirrors a woman’s facial expressions, she’ll think he is caring and attractive.
Common gestures
- Jiggling feet is a sign of boredom.
- Locked ankles show negative emotions.
- Extended blinking, covering their mouth, rubbing eyes all mean the person is lying
(via Body+Soul)
