If you’re a certain age — or possess any semblance of a romantic history — you likely carry around a laundry list of relationship red flags to be wary of: Does he have mommy issues? Not interested in going down that road again. Are her feelings on having kids the polar opposite of yours? At this point, why even waste each other’s time?
Some dating dealbreakers are more common than others. On Tuesday, Redditors shared the one dating dealbreaker they refuse to tolerate, and there definitely were some trends. Below, 11 of the most agreed-upon red flags.
1. You’re a stage-five clinger.
“I’ll end it if a guy is clingy/needy or tries to escalate the relationship at an inappropriately early stage. Last time this happened, a guy I’d gone on two dates with invited me to go on vacation for two weeks in Mexico with his entire extended family and wouldn’t let it go after I politely declined.”
2. You’re unfaithful.
“If you cheat on me, you’re out. I don’t care how much it might hurt me, I don’t care what you have to say about it, I want you gone. I know in the long run it’ll hurt me more if I let you stay because I can’t forget something like that. Not again.”
3. You even hint at having abusive tendencies.
“I say this as someone who grew up with abuse in the household: When someone starts to get angry with the slightest hint of violence, I will nope the hell out. It doesn’t matter if the person doesn’t actually hurt anyone or anything, it’s the little tells the angry person gives off that are sometimes scarier than the actual abuse. It’s that fear of the unknown — the ‘Oh, God will they hit me again or not this time?’ that I refuse to live with.”
4. You can’t admit when you’re wrong.
“Conflicts, arguments, debates are going to come up all the time in relationships, and naturally, sometimes I will be right and sometimes I will be wrong. I try my best to always identify the times when I am in the wrong and acknowledge it (usually by apologizing). If the other person can’t do the same, then I feel like I am the only one trying to make it work.”
5. You’re bad with money.
“I’m out if your financial management skills sucks. I’m not trying to be a gold digger or anything like that, but if you’re just pissing away money and in constant debt, that’s a big dealbreaker to me. It tells me you’re not responsible nor do you have long-term goals.”
6. You’re still chatty with your ex.
“I’ve broke it off with my last two SOs because of this. I’m fine with my SO having guys in her life — I have girls in mine. But c’mon, talking to your ex on a basically daily basis even though you ‘hate him?’ Get real.”
7. You’re rude to waiters.
“They’re a dick to other people, like waitstaff. Screw that — common decency and being nice to people who haven’t done anything wrong to you is the bare minimum to being a good person.”
8. You can’t empathize with your partner.
“My ex had this problem. I told her that shouting ‘cook my dinner, bitch!’ was offensive and she got really upset because she took it as an assault on her worth as a girlfriend. She couldn’t handle criticism, even when she had been wrong or disrespectful, because it destroyed the perfect image of herself. Needless to say, it was a very early red flag that I overlooked. I actually ended up consoling her that night, as she cried over the insinuation that she was a bad girlfriend. Long story short: If early on in the relationship, someone treats you disrespectfully then tries to make you feel guilty about it, realize they’ll likely never be able to apologize.”
9. You’re lackadaisical about your health.
“Someone who doesn’t care about their health. I understand and am more than willing to chow down on some nachos and stuff here and there but to have no regard for your well-being, and being inactive on top of all that? No thanks.”
10. You’re not willing to give your partner a little “me time.”
“If I say I need some alone time for a night, and she interprets that as me not being into her anymore, then there’s a problem. I’ve spent most of my life alone. It’s comfortable to me. Sometimes I just want to sit on the couch like a slob and be a disgusting human. That’s not a group activity. Sometimes I need to be alone with my thoughts. Don’t take it personally.”
